Do you here them calling? Then its your time…

Four times…

That’s how many times this guy had tried to end his own life.

Now normally most paramedics would roll their eyes when they get a call to a suicidal man, or someone who had taken an overdose. It’s an involuntary response. Theres not a whole lot we can do and its usually a cry for help anyway.

Then again, every so often one comes along who gets under your skin. Let’s call him Mack, and go back in time a bit.

Mack had a good job. He taught secondary science and math. He was being considered for head of year. Then one day he came home early from work as he had forgotten his lunch. He found his fourteen year old daughter in bed with her boyfriend who is sixteen. He went apeshit. Things were said and he ended up slapping his daughter.

His daughter called the police.

Mack is now being charged with assault, he is suspended from work and he is not allowed to see either of his other two young children. His wife doesn’t understand and has taken the children to her mothers.

Now here in the present, Mack has lost his job. His daughter does not understand the consequences of what she has done and hates him for hitting her.

I wonder how this could get any worse?

Mack cannot afford the mortgage. The bank aren’t paying his employment protection. He can’t find another job that pays enough. He’s only qualified to teach.

Mack’s wife is becoming ill. Things were stale anyway. Now the family home is threatened, the family is split and Mack’s turned to drink. Guess what?

She walked out last night.

This is where I come in. I have been called because Mack’s parents have turned up at his home and found him unconscious. He has overdosed. He’s taken maybe four hundred paracetamol, a shit load of diazepam and a bucket full of booze. He may survive. If he does I suspect his liver won’t be hanging around for much longer and will most likely leave Mack too.

Incidently Mack has on awesome song playing on his stereo on repeat. Its called ‘Alright’ and its from the movie Death Sentence. An awesome movie about a man (Kevin Bacon) who loses everything to gang of evil bastards.

None of us knew how to turn the damn stereo off and so I had to breathe for Mack for ten minutes while I waited for my backup listening to that very awesome and very apt song.
A very surreal experience. Normally if I was doing this on an ‘overdose’ it would be because of heroine and I’d be squatting over a pile of hyperdermics in dank alleyway somewhere. Not here, in a beautiful well kept family home.

His suicide note was the hardest thing I have ever read. It’s really hard not to crack up when you have a combination of emotive music and a sad situation. Still, I’ve done this before so I’ll deal with it.

I think he wrote that note for his wife. He clearly loved her dearly and blamed himself for everything. I wonder if she will ever get to read it. I know I will never forget it, or him. Some people really are dealt the shittest hand, and if there is an after life and I meet him I’ll tell him so. I’ll tell him he was not too blame and millions would have felt the way he did.

He clings on yet though. I won’t be going to see him. I may spare a thought from time to time but its does no good to think to long on things such as this for those in my profession. My role here is done. Nothing more I can do but watch from the side lines and hope he pulls through.

M.