Reaching boiling point? Step back, relax and enjoy yourself.

There are many occasions during my daily dealings with the people of this delightful town that I feel the anger taking hold.

Sometimes, if I am not careful there is danger that this could spiral out of control and become ‘The Rage’.

I believe this is something many paramedics suffer with from time to time. Okay, daily. A little anger may cause me to throw in some sarcasm, or maybe a little reckless driving as the patient cradles a fractured arm. ‘The Rage’ will cause me to forget the fact that I am there to act in your best interests, to protect your life. This is rarely because I am late off or due a break. It is usually when I am called to deal with some ignorant scrotum with fuck all wrong and I can here the radio screaming with other life threatening emergencies in my area.

A case in point would be a call I attended recently for a man complaining of knee pain. He’d fallen over while playing football just before half time. Yet instead of coming off and resting it he decided to play the second half. He beamed with savage pride as his mate described three cracking goals he witnessed our poor wounded soldier fire into the back of the net whilst dodging between defenders like a ballerina on speed.

I could feel my eyes widening and my pulse quickening but above all an urge to allow my head to snap forward and nut him. I think my clinching fists gave me away as I stood trying to smile and look calm. He flashed me a toothy grin and asked where my chair was.

‘Chair?’ I enquired.

‘Yes, you have to carry him down the stairs. He could fall and break his other leg.’

‘Its that painful is it?’

‘Yeah! I can’t put any fuckin weight on it ya spastic!’

Looking back I can’t quite believe what I did. I bent down and picked up the guys fags, walked over to the window and threw them out. It was a calculated gamble but it worked. I balanced the fact that this guy was in genuine pain against the area of town we were currently in. Why? Because we were bang in the centre of benefit town and I was willing to bet this guy cared more his fags than he did for his own leg.

He stood bolt up right and hobbled towards the window, screaming abuse and dribbling. I could give a shit. Realising we weren’t ever going to take his ‘hurty knee’ seriously now he sat down and took a pen and paper from the table in front of him. He wanted mine and my colleagues names so that he could write a complaint.

Now complaints are a big deal. They are always investigated and usually stay around to haunt you for sometime. With this in mind I decided to take another calculated gamble. This time I was making the assumption that this chap was not overly intelligent and may cave if threatened himself. I told him he was welcome to have my name and to complain, but that I would be countering with my own.

‘Eh? Whatdouya mean? You can’t report me! I’m the fucking patient innit?!’

His mate looked on nervously. I had my sternest expression on as I launched a barrage of guilt loaded missiles. I told him very simple chimp english that wasting our time was a criminal offence and that if he persisted I would push for prosecution. Okay, so I am bending the law slightly but it worked. I rounded of with heart wrenching tale of how everyday some poor soul dies because our ambulances are tied up with people who should know better.

‘Chill out! I was only messin ya know? Look I can walk to the ambulance yeah?’

‘You can walk to the taxi,’ I replied.

This guy really wound me up. Yet he did cause me to think about how I react to some situations. Since this chap I now try and take several deep breaths before I say something I may regret. An even better tactic which I find works a treat is to simply do nothing but smile. Why? Well, if you can remain calm long enough when let’s say an angry chap is taking his shit out on you. Just think to yourself ‘This guy is clearly angry. He is having a shit day. This pleases me because he is an arse. I am happy he is having a shit day. I am happy!’

See? All I do is to make his shitty time my amusement time. It is working so far. I suppose its because when you get into an argument with someone your both trying to get one over on each other. But hey! If he’s already pissed off and having a shit time then what’s the point of continuing? Haven’t you won already by the sheer fact that he is having a shit day? I think so.

Well, enough mindless mumbling from me. Fuck off and find something else to do with your time.

M