Burnout

I am in need of a break.

Fortunately for me that is exactly what’s on the cards. Some well calculated and strategic booking of annual leave has ensured I am off from the 11th of Jan till the 11th of Feb. That’s a whole bloody month! I fucking well need it though.

How so? I hear you ask. Why I would have thought being a paramedic, whipping around on blue lights and saving lives would be a fantastic job surely?

Well it is and it isn’t. There are times when I enjoy the job. I get to a really sick patient double quick, sort them out and come away feeling as though I have made a real difference. The problem is that that kind of patient is a ‘once in a blue moon’ kind of patient. If you consider my working week as a group of four twelve hour shifts, that’s days and nights then I will try and outline briefly what I do with that time. Let’s say I start work on the Monday morning at maybe 7am. This is a record of a genuine day. Okay here goes…

7am – Phone rings. Please proceed to McDonald’s in Utopia for standby.

Make our way down. Sit there for 30 minutes staring at people. The maximum time you can be allocated to a standby position is 45 minutes in our area. Sitting on your arse in a car park for this length of time is truly mind numbing. Its not conducive to a happy working environment and can get a little tense. Especially if you don’t get on well with your crew mate.

7.30 – Red call (that’s an emergency to you and me) to a woman fallen from bed. Arrive to find an elderly woman on her bedroom floor. No injury. Assisted back into bed. Left scene.

8.30 – Urgent call (that’s a timed pickup. Usually between 2 and 4 hours) to an elderly male struggling to walk. Arrive to find a man with a urinary tract infection. A local GP has booked him into hospital and we are to be his taxi. Roger that, you call we haul.

11am – Red call to man with a knee injury. Arrive to find a 34 year old man who has injured his leg while out running two days ago. He has now decided that he requires an ambulance to take him to hospital because his friend is first aid trained and advised him to get an x-ray. Neither have a car and threaten to complain if we do not take them. Fuck it, get on then you wanker. Watch through gritted teeth as man hobbles out to ambulance negotiating a flight of stairs on the way.

12.30 – Return to base. Stood down for break. Munch on cold sandwich.

1300 – Sent to local Asda on standby.

1445 – Call up and ask to be moved on as have achieved Lv10 Mind Numbness and Lv8 Bladder of Fullness. Drive back towards base and receive red call en route.

1450 – Red to a woman short of breath. Woman is 80 and has a chronic lung condition whereby they are slowly failing over time. She is a lifelong smoker and is happily puffing on a fag as we walk in the door. She is assessed as having a probable chest infection. Attempt to pass to her own GP for management at home. GP feels pt is likely suffering something else but does not know what. Advise we take the patient to hospital. Arrive at A&E to a poor reception. Why didn’t I refer the patient to their own GP? Do I think it is appropriate to bring this minor chest infection to a busy A&E department? Grit teeth and smile.

1700 – Return to base.

1702 – Red call to a man collapsed in the street. Arrive to find a man drunk on the floor. Police are also on scene. Fierce debate between myself and police officer ensues. Police officer states patient is drunk and it is therefore a medical problem. I state patient is not a patient. He is a drunk in a public place and therefore he is committing a crime. In the end they refuse outright. They know we can’t leave a man laying in the road. Even if we could it would a matter of mere minutes before some do-gooder called again. The police won’t show a second time though.

1830 – Return to base and pray no one else calls us.

So there you have it. Yes there is a fair bit of sitting around and yes I suppose there is a lot of variation. There is also a lot of piss-taking too. People will always deem an emergency to be what they personally deem to be an emergency. For this reason they will not stop calling. Ever.

Its not one thing in particular that causes me to feel particularly stressed. So how would I describe how I feel?

Imagine your empathy, your caring nature if you will as the face of a massive cliff. Occasionally a big wave of stress is going to come along and give your face a bit of a battering. You can handle that though. You can shrug it off because its expected and doesn’t happen very often.

Life as a Paramedic, for me, consists of a near constant low level erosion. That’s is to say that all those minor irritations are ever present and nothing is done to prevent or change that fact. My cliff of empathy has been gradually eroded to the point that am I just as likely to stab my next patient as I am to treat them.

That’s the NHS though. They simply do not believe in tidal defences to protect the staff. They believe in burnout. Its a given. It will happen.
You simply cannot care 100 percent of the time. Not when you can easily compare old Doris and her heart attack with young Pete and his hurty knee. You feel sorry old Doris has had to wait so long for a response but Pete? Pete can fuck off.

Yep, it’s time for a break.

Me.